I’d like to think I’d want to be here. There is absolutely no reason why here wouldn’t be the first place I’d choose right now. I’m disgustingly happy most of the time. My friends are silly, great drinking buddies, fabulous listeners and excellent email writers. My job is fun, challenging and exciting. My apartment is covered in tiny black hairs thanks to my puppy. I’m riding again, which makes me indescribably happy. My boyfriend, when he puts his arms around me I feel completely safe and content.
OK fine, so stop rubbing it in my face, you say. Here’s the thing – if you came up to me right now and asked me that question, If you could be anywhere, where would it be – my answer would not be right here. First instinct, easy. Camp. I want to be there every single day. I want to be in the middle of summertime in the mountains with my Green Cove girls, not having showered in three days and feeling clean. Next I might say Bloomington. I miss our porch, I miss Sam and Marnie always being a room away, I miss our smelly neighbors, I miss classes and campus, I miss IUET, silly crushes, not so silly crushes, beer at 2pm, and yes even Jimmy John’s. I’d say Raleigh lastly because that’s where I found myself and I might have left a little bit of the old me there when I moved home. I want to be roommate’s with Bette again and work at the coffeeshop. I want to go to Chapel Hill for Shabbat dinner. I want to ride Clyde with Hilary. I want southern accents, Harris Teeter and sweet tea.
So what if we are never happy where we are? What if, despite everything, a little part of us longs to be somewhere else? I always thought I was lucky to have two homes, here and camp, and that’s still true. I just wonder if it’s possible to be content where you are and miss everywhere you’ve been at the same time.