today is monday and it sucks

i was literally about to curl up in bed and take a nap and on cue someone started cutting the grass outside my window. now, thanks to the loud motor noises, i will surely not be able to sleep. and right now all i want is to disappear into a nap for a bit. i was hoping for a refreshing weekend and it started off just that way. i think i came out the other end just as baffled and unsure as i went in. i had my first week of personal training sessions (yes the gym is sucking money out of me like it’s their job. at least i’ll be hot. um i mean in shape…) scheduled for 4:30 this week thinking that i was done with louisburg tutoring. i came home from work this afternoon, sat down on my bed and my phone rang. of course it’s never the phone call that i want, but the very opposite. etta holmes calling to ask if i can just tutor for this one last week because she’s having trouble filling my spot. and beause i’m a sucker and a pushover i say yes. so, now i have to call rodney the personal trainer and ask him if i can reschedule. and we all know how much i hate making phone calls to people i don’t really know. i’m putting it off. i need to plan out exactly what i am going to say, especially if i have to leave a voicemail. i’ve been planning out lots of conversations in my head. the other most important one i am trying to work up the courage to have. i’m just not sure it’s necessary anymore and if it is still then is it a good idea at all? i don’t want my happiness to depend on someone else and i do want to find the courage to tell that someone else how i feel.

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