let’s keep it there

i should really be working. page schedule and copy for the july/august issue of the magazine are due to art director phyllis tomorrow. i’m about halfway there. i love getting to pick out what goes into an issue and imagining kids excitedly going through it.

last friday adam and i went to indy winefest, a fabulous and large wine tasting at the indiana roof ballroom. everyone was dressed up, whole foods passed out little yummy truffles in tiny plastic cups, we drank lots and lots of wine. as we wandered around, half people watching half wine table watching, adam asked me if i’d seen anyone i knew yet. i laughed and responded with “seriously, if we’d seen someone i knew we would be running in the other direction. do you not know that about me by now?” this is not always entirely true. just generally so. the majority of the population in indianapolis that i “know” i would run from. the select few who i wouldn’t i see on a regular basis. i’m not a bitch, i just don’t fuck around with people i don’t like. plain and simple.
i notice that more and more people end up being with someone they went to high school with. i’m mostly talking about my graduating class and their recent (and not recent) engagements, relationships and marriages. i can understand wanting to be with someone who you’ve known for so many years. you have a common history, common friends, common jokes. that’s why my closest friends are those i’ve known forever. i just wonder sometimes if it isn’t better to start with a clean slate and create new history and jokes and a life with the person you’re going to be doing forever with. now don’t get me wrong, i have nothing against my past. i don’t want to ignore it, push it under a rock or anything like that. i’m just saying, isn’t it refreshing to know that your significant other never saw your awkward middle school days (or in my case, awkward middle and high school days), only gets to hear you reminisce about unrequited crushes, and has no idea about any past drama you had with anyone and therefore doesn’t care and has no desire to rehash it? plus i thoroughly enjoy divulging my past in the way i saw it happen. i get to describe camp through my eyes instead of you seeing it. i get to talk about the blisters that covered my hands in the days of crew instead of you having watched me pick at them. i get to slowly and methodically tell you about ava without you having seen my puffy red eyes, hearing my guilt filled what ifs and watching everyone in my family act like they were holding each other together when we were all really floating out there alone in confusion.
oh wow, this has been a more ponderous blog entry than i meant for it to be. i’ll end with this: i’m riding tonight for the first time in 5 months, first lesson in a year and a half. my boyfriend doesn’t care what we do on valentine’s day, he just wants to spend time with me. he’s lovely. my dog ate sugar cookies, press n seal and foil this morning. she’s a crazy piece of work.
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