A wrap up

Good God, have you ever had one of those weeks that just drains you completely of energy? Duh, I’m sure you have. I’ve had them at every job I’ve worked at (yes, even camp, where every day and week is not perfect, despite the idea you may have previously gotten from my camp ravings), in college both school and equestrian team related. So anyway, I had lots to blog about, but just haven’t had the energy.

We went to Chicago over the long weekend. We stayed with 717 member Marnie and hung out with her boyfriend Jannson. 717 member Samantha also came up. We really had a wonderful time, but I’ll go into that another time, because Samantha took some really great pictures that I want to share.

Wednesday night and Thursday marked the Jewish new year, Rosh Hashana. I’ve been kind of bad about going to services this year. My excuse is that they start at 6pm, which is a difficult time to make on a Friday evening. Really though, it’s a poor excuse. Especially when I do enjoy going so much. I love the familiarity of the prayers and melodies. My favorite has always been the shehecheyanu, which you say any time something happens for the first time in the year. It’s like a little celebration and thank you of the good things in life. (Baruch atah adonai eloheinu melech ha’olam shecheyanu v’kiy’manu v’higyanu lazman hazeh. Blessed are you, Adonai our God, ruler of the universe, who has given us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this season.) When I was in NFTY (that’s youth group), every Saturday night we had havdalah, the end of Shabbat service to bridge Shabbat and the coming week. We’d sit in a big circle, lights out, one person would have the glass of wine and the blue and white, braided havdalah candle, and one person would, of course, have a guitar. We’d sing, pray, and wrap our arms around each other and sway, and always end with the schehecheyanu. It was my favorite part of our regional or sub-regional events.

Also, check this out РCSA-style pastry delivery in San Francisco!

Just the things I’ve been thinking about this week. I’m going post a song now so check it out!

let’s keep it there

i should really be working. page schedule and copy for the july/august issue of the magazine are due to art director phyllis tomorrow. i’m about halfway there. i love getting to pick out what goes into an issue and imagining kids excitedly going through it.

last friday adam and i went to indy winefest, a fabulous and large wine tasting at the indiana roof ballroom. everyone was dressed up, whole foods passed out little yummy truffles in tiny plastic cups, we drank lots and lots of wine. as we wandered around, half people watching half wine table watching, adam asked me if i’d seen anyone i knew yet. i laughed and responded with “seriously, if we’d seen someone i knew we would be running in the other direction. do you not know that about me by now?” this is not always entirely true. just generally so. the majority of the population in indianapolis that i “know” i would run from. the select few who i wouldn’t i see on a regular basis. i’m not a bitch, i just don’t fuck around with people i don’t like. plain and simple.
i notice that more and more people end up being with someone they went to high school with. i’m mostly talking about my graduating class and their recent (and not recent) engagements, relationships and marriages. i can understand wanting to be with someone who you’ve known for so many years. you have a common history, common friends, common jokes. that’s why my closest friends are those i’ve known forever. i just wonder sometimes if it isn’t better to start with a clean slate and create new history and jokes and a life with the person you’re going to be doing forever with. now don’t get me wrong, i have nothing against my past. i don’t want to ignore it, push it under a rock or anything like that. i’m just saying, isn’t it refreshing to know that your significant other never saw your awkward middle school days (or in my case, awkward middle and high school days), only gets to hear you reminisce about unrequited crushes, and has no idea about any past drama you had with anyone and therefore doesn’t care and has no desire to rehash it? plus i thoroughly enjoy divulging my past in the way i saw it happen. i get to describe camp through my eyes instead of you seeing it. i get to talk about the blisters that covered my hands in the days of crew instead of you having watched me pick at them. i get to slowly and methodically tell you about ava without you having seen my puffy red eyes, hearing my guilt filled what ifs and watching everyone in my family act like they were holding each other together when we were all really floating out there alone in confusion.
oh wow, this has been a more ponderous blog entry than i meant for it to be. i’ll end with this: i’m riding tonight for the first time in 5 months, first lesson in a year and a half. my boyfriend doesn’t care what we do on valentine’s day, he just wants to spend time with me. he’s lovely. my dog ate sugar cookies, press n seal and foil this morning. she’s a crazy piece of work.

fairy princess with an edge

i don’t think we ever grow out of our insecurities. For awhile I thought that the older we got the less we worried about what other people think of us we would be. She’ll always worry about seeing her old high school crush at a friend’s wedding, even though she’s happily married, has a house and a great job. She’ll always avoid people she knows because small talk makes her uncomfortable and she’s sure they’re laughing at her back as she walks away. It comforts me to know that I’m not the only one who is still like this.
Work might be frustrating me. I might feel invisible sometimes.
I miss North Carolina a lot these days. I am not unhappy here nor do I regret moving back. The exact opposite in fact. I’m just lucky enough to have two homes and when I am in one my heart is in the other. I also miss Bette and am not sure why she had to go so far away that I cannot reach her by cell phone. Upsetting that I cannot share random goodness with her. Email is not the same.
I recently finished the most amazing book I have ever read, Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortensen. This book literally changed my life and I beg you to read it. In fact I will buy it for you. It honestly deserves some sort of review but I’ve lent it to Sam so that will have to wait. Please at least check out the website – www.threecupsoftea.com. It is truly amazing the impact that one man can have on so many people.
I like receiving lamps, talking about taking trips and talking on the phone for at least half an hour every night I don’t see you. I could get used to this but probably shouldn’t let myself do that. Just in case. A girl’s gotta be on the defensive because you never know.
And now you must explain to me why I am up at 1:15AM on a week day. I blame the cookies.