I vomit when…

Weddings make me want to puke. I’m sorry to anyone who has had a wedding. And I mean no offense to anyone’s wedding that I’ve attended. They’ve all been lovely and I’ve had fun. But weddings make me want to puke. The super-expensive white dress you’ll never wear again, the wedding colors, the flowers, the tables, the decorations…

Pictures of engaged couples at weddings with the caption “You’re next!” also make me queasy.

Status updates regarding your wedding make me want to cry. I don’t give two shits if you found your dream dress. I don’t need reminders that you’re getting married in two months.

Engagement photos, especially when posted on Facebook, make me feel like banging my head on my desk. I understand that a lot of photographers have packages that include engagement photos, so you’re kind of obligated to do it. I also understand that sharing a few of these photos may be fun. But good God, I do not want to see you and your beloved in virtually the same awkward and unnatural pose 40 times, half of which include you kissing. Share with me the cream of the crop and I may even comment how cute y’all look.

I would probably hate weddings a lot less if Facebook didn’t exist.

Then again, the thought of marriage itself makes me swoon a little.

I have a nice pie post coming up with a secret ingredient that may blow your mind.

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3 thoughts on “I vomit when…

  1. i’ll add a lasso competition to the list of things to have at giant party post ceremony no one will be allowed to attend. also on the list are awesome beer and music, and lots of pie, cake, and macaroni and cheese.

    aw married lady lindsey, say it ain’t so. maybe swoon was a bad choice of word. that makes me sound like a corset-wearing helpless woman from the 1800s. the idea of marriage makes me feel like even when shit sucks, there’s something guaranteed to be nice (when the marriage is right).

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