Category Archives: relationships

the W word

Posted in relationships, weddings by

I got two Christmas cards in the mail yesterday, one from my aunt and uncle and one my grandparents. I opened them before I had even taken off my coat because getting real in-the-mail mail these days is exciting. (that’s not a hint, I’m just as guilty of sending 100 times more emails than snail mail.) The card from my grandparents started out innocently enough with my grandmother’s note, followed by my grandfather’s note, which took a sudden turn when he wrote this sentence, “maybe in the new year you will be planning a wedding.” That was followed by this sentence, which escaped loudly from my mouth, “What the fuck? That is not OK! Why?!”

It seems as if the whole world (besides my close friends, and for that I thank you) is planning my wedding. Oh, and the two most important people in said imaginary festivities, and the w-word has not even crossed their lips. Not once. I know it’s in fashion these days to get engaged after a year or less of being in a relationship, but I’m not a fan of being fashionable. I’m more a fan of doing things at my own speed and knowing that if they’re meant to happen, they will.

I’ve never been the wedding obsessed sort of girl. I know people who have had their weddings planned out since they were little girls, dress, colors, place, table settings, the whole deal. Oh I played my fair share of “wedding” and my friends and I even forced my brother to participate in a pink tutu, even though he was the obvious and logical choice for the groom. My cousins had the most beautiful wedding dress that had been their grandmother’s in their dress up box. It had long sleeves and a long row of tiny buttons up the back. I loved that dress.

The second I realized Adam was awesome though, I did not start to plan our future. I have no timeline, except for the one which involves moving back to North Carolina. I’ve thought about the future, but only in an abstract sort of maybe someday sort of way. Honestly the thought of being the center of attention in a white dress, which I would obviously get dirty immediately, makes me feel like puking. Walking down the aisle with my dad is hysterical. Being sentimental in front of lots of people is unthinkable. And the planning? Holy yikes. The only fun part in my mind is the party. Ask me to elope and come home and have a “HAHA we got married and you didn’t know” party and I’ll be yours forever.

So don’t mention the W-word around me unless I bring it up because I’m sick of people making assumptions about a relationship that they are not in. Plus, you’ll probably give me a heart attack:)

She got it so good

Posted in apartments, relationships by

Update on my noisy neighbor.

The weather has cooled off considerably. My windows are now closed, as are my neighbor’s. I crawled into bed on Sunday night after a long day of driving and, floating into the night came the familiar sounds of the girl next door having a giant good time. THROUGH CLOSED WINDOWS! OK, enough is enough. I composed a letter and stuck it to her door this morning. Honestly, I’m a little nervous about the results or possible consequences but I complain a lot and figured that it’s time to take some action.

Dear #19,

All throughout the spring and summer months I’ve had my windows open, as have you, so of course we hear things in each other’s apartments like the tv and people talking and me yelling at my dog. I have also heard, and most of the time been awoken in the middle of the night, you having sex. I’ve been regularly woken up a few times a week by your passionate screams.

As the weather has cooled off I have closed my windows and figured that I would no longer hear your nocturnal activities. Turns out I was wrong and you are louder than anyone could imagine. Last night as I lay in bed reading with my window closed, I heard, yep, you guessed it, you having sex. OK so it probably won’t wake me up anymore but I am really tired of being a third party to what you do with your boyfriend. Honestly, I have no problem with what you do with your boyfriend, it’s your business and I’m glad that it’s obviously so great. I just really don’t like hearing two people have sex. I’m really just hoping you guys could try to keep it down a little bit. I understand that sometimes it’s hard but I’d really appreciate it. Unfortunately we have thin walls and apparently thin windows too! Thanks so much!

#17, Julia

We shall see.

Might post some NC Vacation Pics later on.

Late night ballad of a neighbor girl

Posted in apartments, relationships by

Have I told you about my neighbor? I don’t know much about her other than her name and that she has this one skirt that I really like. Oh and what time she and her boyfriend (whose name I also know…) have sex, and how great it is.

This is what’s been happening for the past, well since the spring probably. Two or three times a week I climb into bed and disappear into dreamland. Anywhere between the hours of 3 and 6 AM I am awoken, from a dead sleep mind you, by the joyful noises of my neighbor and her boyfriend having sex. This sex must be pretty good, and every time, for the elation I hear floating out of her open bedroom window and into mine.

I’m not gonna lie, I really dislike being awakened in the middle of the night, and especially by sex noises. I’ve been pretty goodvnatured about the whole thing. Her escapades make for pretty funny stories. The other night though I woke up to, not only the orgasm screams, of which there were more than usual this time, but the sound of bare skin hitting bare skin in the heat of the moment. SICK. Pushed over the edge. So now I’m trying to decide what to do, because honestly, I’ve had enough. My initial thought was to write her a note and stick it on her door. Just politely saying “I have no problems with what you do in your spare time and in the privacy of your own home, but please keep it down!!” A few of my friends told me to fight fire with fire and have my own loud mid-night sex. I think next time it happens I just might yell out my window “KEEP IT DOWN YOU FUCKING FREAKS!!” I mean I can’t be responsible for what comes out of my mouth in a state of just having been rudely awoken.

She loves him She loves him not FYI

Posted in Facebook, relationships by
First things first – I GOT AIR CONDITIONING!!! I do not care that I broke down, Mira and I are happily cool now. Aaaaaah. That’s me breathing in the refreshingly cold air in my apartment. Or imagining it since I am at work.

Facebook gives me a lot of grief. People publicize so much of their lives on that thing. The amount of personal information in my profile sometimes makes me uncomfortable and I think I’m a pretty middle of the road Facebooker. I had a friend in college on the equestrian team. She was a lovely girl, very sweet and fun. We’ve lost touch, as I have with many of the girls on the team (some more purposefully than others) but through her profile I discovered that she has a boyfriend these days.

OK, I am going to insert a disclaimer here. I realize that if you only read my blog you may think I am obsessed with my boyfriend. He’s just managed to sneak into most posts lately. I am completely crazy about him but I do not excessively Facebook about him. Maybe because I am convinced that only a few people read this blog and therefore I can say whatever I damn well please. Anyway.
My friend has posted plenty of pictures of her and the BF. Fine except that she’s gone to the extent of posting kissing pictures (seriously, who takes pictures of themselves kissing? This is a very bizarre phenomenon which I am convinced started, or was at least encouraged by the advent of Facebook). One of said kissing pictures is even her profile pic! Egads! Her statuses have also started to revolve around the boy. “B is loving him…”, “B is in bed with her manly man…” and so on. Her wall has been taken over by overly sweet posts from him. I don’t quite understand the need to flaunt a relationship on the internet. I have nothing to prove to anyone, not even really myself. As long as we are happy then why should I care if people I don’t give a rat’s ass about on Facebook know that I love my boyfriend and that we make out in front of the camera? (we obviously don’t do this. Narcissistic much?) Let’s keep it classy folks.
What follows is a few pictures that I would like to share taken on Friday night when Sam and I wandered up and down Mass Ave looking for art galleries to poke our heads into. Of course the weather, which has apparently lost its mind, got bad and we ended up running into a bar as huge forks of lightning tore across the sky.

a dream upon waking

Posted in Green Cove, mini trips, relationships by

First things first – it is insanely stuffy and hot in my apartment. not so hot outside at the moment but in here, yes. Possibly a result of the oven being on while I made peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Regardless, I have my fan pointed directly at me and on high.

Second things second. Last weekend Adam, Mira and I went to Lake Monroe for a few days to hang out and fish a little on his parents boat. Being outside and away from the city (I know “city”, right? As if Indianapolis is a huge bustling metropolis) did wonders for me. That weekend everyone arrived at camp for orientation so the potential for me to sit and wallow in I-miss-camp-pity was very, very high. But the most amazing thing happened. I didn’t want to be at camp once, not for one minute. Even when Mary texted me that she was at the Black Rose, a bar we frequented in Hendersonville. As Adam and I sat on the boat and looked at the stars I realized that I’m incredibly happy right here. This, referring back to a previous post where I wondered if, even though I’m generally happy with my life now, I would always want to be somewhere else too. I don’t want to be anywhere else but here. I’m home and even though I miss everywhere I’ve been and called home in the past and all my friends in those places, here and now is so good. This might be the best feeling ever. Not to say that I don’t have shitty days where I want to crawl under the covers and never come out, but I do come out. A few quick pics from our lake trip.

Me and Mirabelle on the boat
sunset
Adam making our bbq chicken dinner

Third things third. Last night Sam and I attended the most bizarre party we’ve been to in awhile. It was something like a dream. My friend Elizabeth is an intern at the magazines and lives downstairs in my building. The party was a housewarming party she threw. The crowd was, generally speaking, all under 21, including a 15 year old. Now, I am not being condescending here. Oh my God I am so much older than these kids. They just seemed so young. In attendance was a girl who I’ll call MK. She was everything that, two years ago, I would have longed to be. She was effortlessly cool, wearing a black tshirt, a brown fringed jacket and tight dark jeans and discussing how she doesn’t pay for spices at the store, eats donuts and doesn’t pay for them, and carries her lighter between her breasts and down her shirt. I literally would have watched her all night and been intensely jealous and completely judgmental of her in my insecurity and lack of self confidence. Last night I watched her and smiled because her coolness is not effortless, but quite the opposite. Part of me wanted to judge her, just out of habit. At one point everyone gathered around a piece of meat, called star meat, and performed a ritual. Star meat seemed to be meatloaf in the somewhat shape of a star with sprinkles and candles stuck on it. They all stood around the lit up meat and chanted “star meat star meat!” until MK, who was in charge, shushed them all, at which point they blew out the candles and ate the meat. Weird. Like I said, a somewhat dreamlike night that reminded me of what I used to wish I had and was and of how happy I am that I somehow found my self confidence between then and now. Anyway I’m glad that Sam was there with me because the whole night was something of a flashback to Bloomington and our neighbors senior year.

End of story.

monday monday ba da ba da da da

Posted in relationships, vacation by

Uh oh, illegal two days in a row blog postage. I just want to document the fact that this is going to be the longest week on record. I’m leaving at 12:30 on Friday and am going to desperately try to make up those missed hours during the rest of the week. That means no lunch hour Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday, staying late Monday and Wednesday and coming in early on Friday. Florida had better kick some serious ass.

in other news, a moment from my past resurfaced on instant messenger last night (after I’d gone to bed at the early hour of 10:30 of course). I was surprised, not sure if pleasantly or otherwise though.
I feel stuck right now and I need something to happen. I have ideas on what that something could be but I kinda doubt that those ideas will be taken into consideration.
How do you talk to someone about something that you just can’t put your finger on? You can’t just sit down and say “we need to talk. About this…this feeling I have that’s been making me uncomfortable.” Instead, I am going to get over myself and do what I do best, ignore any serious emotions, shove them aside and deal with them later.

let’s keep it there

Posted in friends, high school, Mira, relationships by

i should really be working. page schedule and copy for the july/august issue of the magazine are due to art director phyllis tomorrow. i’m about halfway there. i love getting to pick out what goes into an issue and imagining kids excitedly going through it.

last friday adam and i went to indy winefest, a fabulous and large wine tasting at the indiana roof ballroom. everyone was dressed up, whole foods passed out little yummy truffles in tiny plastic cups, we drank lots and lots of wine. as we wandered around, half people watching half wine table watching, adam asked me if i’d seen anyone i knew yet. i laughed and responded with “seriously, if we’d seen someone i knew we would be running in the other direction. do you not know that about me by now?” this is not always entirely true. just generally so. the majority of the population in indianapolis that i “know” i would run from. the select few who i wouldn’t i see on a regular basis. i’m not a bitch, i just don’t fuck around with people i don’t like. plain and simple.
i notice that more and more people end up being with someone they went to high school with. i’m mostly talking about my graduating class and their recent (and not recent) engagements, relationships and marriages. i can understand wanting to be with someone who you’ve known for so many years. you have a common history, common friends, common jokes. that’s why my closest friends are those i’ve known forever. i just wonder sometimes if it isn’t better to start with a clean slate and create new history and jokes and a life with the person you’re going to be doing forever with. now don’t get me wrong, i have nothing against my past. i don’t want to ignore it, push it under a rock or anything like that. i’m just saying, isn’t it refreshing to know that your significant other never saw your awkward middle school days (or in my case, awkward middle and high school days), only gets to hear you reminisce about unrequited crushes, and has no idea about any past drama you had with anyone and therefore doesn’t care and has no desire to rehash it? plus i thoroughly enjoy divulging my past in the way i saw it happen. i get to describe camp through my eyes instead of you seeing it. i get to talk about the blisters that covered my hands in the days of crew instead of you having watched me pick at them. i get to slowly and methodically tell you about ava without you having seen my puffy red eyes, hearing my guilt filled what ifs and watching everyone in my family act like they were holding each other together when we were all really floating out there alone in confusion.
oh wow, this has been a more ponderous blog entry than i meant for it to be. i’ll end with this: i’m riding tonight for the first time in 5 months, first lesson in a year and a half. my boyfriend doesn’t care what we do on valentine’s day, he just wants to spend time with me. he’s lovely. my dog ate sugar cookies, press n seal and foil this morning. she’s a crazy piece of work.

fairy princess with an edge

Posted in books, high school, North Carolina, relationships by

i don’t think we ever grow out of our insecurities. For awhile I thought that the older we got the less we worried about what other people think of us we would be. She’ll always worry about seeing her old high school crush at a friend’s wedding, even though she’s happily married, has a house and a great job. She’ll always avoid people she knows because small talk makes her uncomfortable and she’s sure they’re laughing at her back as she walks away. It comforts me to know that I’m not the only one who is still like this.
Work might be frustrating me. I might feel invisible sometimes.
I miss North Carolina a lot these days. I am not unhappy here nor do I regret moving back. The exact opposite in fact. I’m just lucky enough to have two homes and when I am in one my heart is in the other. I also miss Bette and am not sure why she had to go so far away that I cannot reach her by cell phone. Upsetting that I cannot share random goodness with her. Email is not the same.
I recently finished the most amazing book I have ever read, Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortensen. This book literally changed my life and I beg you to read it. In fact I will buy it for you. It honestly deserves some sort of review but I’ve lent it to Sam so that will have to wait. Please at least check out the website – www.threecupsoftea.com. It is truly amazing the impact that one man can have on so many people.
I like receiving lamps, talking about taking trips and talking on the phone for at least half an hour every night I don’t see you. I could get used to this but probably shouldn’t let myself do that. Just in case. A girl’s gotta be on the defensive because you never know.
And now you must explain to me why I am up at 1:15AM on a week day. I blame the cookies.

deja what?

Posted in North Carolina, relationships by

I’ve had some very odd dreams lately. They usually include some reference to camp. Other than that, they’re pretty random. Last night, in the middle of the part of my dream where a little girl gets kidnapped by a very frightening man in a red shirt, I had dream deja vu. I literally thought, in my dream, I’ve had this very dream before. I’m not entirely sure if that’s true but it was very weird nonetheless. I woke up feeling unsettled.

This weekend has been fairly enlightening. I discovered that it’s much easier to trash talk someone to their face when they are drunk. OK, trash talk is a bit strong. Let’s go with telling someone that you really think they’re a dirtbag because of certain things they’ve done to certain friends. I also discovered that it’s easier than I thought to be friends with someone I didn’t really want to see again a short three months ago. And taking a step back as I have now makes me see clearly the reasons that we didn’t have a whole lot of contact for awhile. Funny how those things become blurry when you’re up too close to someone. I also discovered that as a girl I should apparently be defining myself as “so and so’s girlfriend”. Well, I have a few problems with this. One, and mostly, I am no one’s girlfriend. Two, and really just as mostly, if I was, I would not introduce myself as such. I happen to be my own independent person. This came about because I was at a party with people I didn’t know. I sat at a table with three other girls and we did the whole introductions thing. One looked at the girl named Erin and said “Oh, you’re Phil’s girlfriend.” Erin said yes, and oh you’re so and so’s girlfriend, right? The first girl then looked at me and asked, “Are you anyone’s girlfriend?” I replied no and thought to myself when did we start simply being someone’s girlfriend?

A continuation of the things I’ll miss about the South list
~ma’am and sir
~country songs playing at bars
~prah-leens
~men holding doors for women
~cowboy boots and dresses/skirts
~girls tailgating in cute sundresses

the romance equation

Posted in 717, relationships by

I just finished a wonderfully hysterical book called Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons. It’s sort of a parody of the Jane Austen genre. Now I do like Jane Austen but I love a good parody and laugh even more. Nothing better than a little sarcasm and over the top dramatic and flowery descriptions and overdone characters. An excerpt from the book,

“She knew from experience that intellectuals thought the proper – nay, the only
– way to fall in love with somebody was to do it the very instant you saw them.
You met somebody, and thought they were ‘A charming person. So gay and simple.’
Then you walked home from a party with them (preferably across Hampstead Heath,
about three in the morning) discussing whether you should sleep together or not.
Sometimes you asked them to go to Italy with you. Sometimes they asked yout o go
to Italy (preferably to Portofino) with them. You held hands, and laughed, and
kissed them and called them your ‘true love’. You loved them for eight months
and then you met somebody else and began being gay and simple all over again,
with small-hours’ walks across Hampstead, Portofino invitation, and all.”

I like this quote because it rings true and there’s a certain sense of silliness to it as it doesn’t take itself too seriously. For instance the set up, that this is the way intellectuals fall in love, mocks the way people have standards and formulas for love, which doesn’t follow a formula. But of course this is the way it should be done. This method for falling in love works today too though. I mean how many times have you or one of your friends met someone at a party, walked home with them discussing the possibility of sex at three AM, “fall in love”, and a short time later moved on to someone else? Happens all the time. You make plans, it all seems so easy and then it’s over. Really just a fabulously annoying pattern that maybe one day will lead, completely on accident of course, to the right one. Dating is a pain in the ass. As is being single. Done and done.

Tonight I miss Bloomington in a way I haven’t since I’ve moved. The weather has temporarily cooled off for a bit and it feels like a late spring/early summer night in Indiana. Bette and I are determined to finish the large amounts of Corona that Ang’s cousin left in our fridge last weekend. So I opened one up, took it out to the front steps along with my laptop and started making a mix (or three). All I could think of was last year around this time when Marnie, Sam and I would sit on the porch and drink beer or play beer pong in the front yard or watch tv in the living room with all the windows open. I miss my roommates and I miss those nights second semester. Funny how when I look back on them I don’t remember all the drama with Jaime or the stress of graduating or the family stuff that exploded in my face right about this time. I like that I remember that time as just peaceful.